Feb 2020, what a month! January ended on a high note, but I spent most of February in the most deflated state. I felt so overwhelmed and inadequate! I don’t remember ever getting to that point where I didn’t want to even go anywhere or see people that I knew would boost my spirits. I felt silenced, like I couldn’t even lift my head up. It was like, I was inside this huge dark hole that I was trying to claw my way out of. But the more I tried, the deeper into this hole I went! There was no energy to do anything -pray, read the bible, etc. Nada!
I couldn’t explain it but one of the conclusions I came to was that I had to get out of my own head. I had listened to all these lies about myself, it had become acceptable to me and that was not okay. It was against everything the bible showed me and very contrary to what God had shown me about 2020, so why?
In those times, God reminded me of certain things I should never forget: God is consistent, He never changes, and He’ll never give you more than you can handle.
I was talking to a friend who I noticed had withdrawn like I had but I didn’t think she was going through the same thing I was. It hit me when she shared about feeling ‘inadequate and overwhelmed’ because that’s exactly how I felt.
The Instagram Visit
I was on Instagram the other day and one of the powerful worship leaders I follow had something on his wall that resonated with me. He basically talked about how God revealed that he had been preoccupied with things that pertained to him building and managing life. He was trying not to be overwhelmed with ministry and all the other stuff.
What ended up happening is that he slipped into an almost anxiety-like decision making lifestyle. He was living in fear and worrying about making the wrong decisions so much so that he had lost trust in the simple truth that if he just desired God, God would then set his heart on what ‘to’ want.
Deep Breath here
That got me in the gut! If we desire God, He will give us what to want!!! In other words, our desires will be filtered through our desiring God!
I am gradually coming to the realization that God never created us to want other things alongside Him but rather to want everything through Him. This means that whatever we want should be filtered through our ‘God’ desires. When we just want Him, there is no need to live in anxiety of what else to want or trying to make sure we’re choosing what He wants.
When we just want Him, He’ll align everything else. Remember that scripture, if we delight in Him, He’ll give us the desires of our heart? He will give us what to want, what to desire, what to chase after. It’s about wanting nothing else but Him!
Let me stretch this a little to say that wanting Him will boost our sensitivity to hearing what He wants through that one thing – our desire of Him.
How do you do that?
There are several ways, but one comes to mind. Desiring God means we consistently put ourselves in positions that expose us to His transformative power. I say consistent because we have what I call ‘spiritual amnesia’. We are a “quick-to-forget-and-move-on” people.
Psalm 16:8 says “I have set the Lord always before me; because He is at my right hand, I will not be moved.” To set something is to focus on it. Focus can be a very powerful thing; it requires attention and being intentional.
I had let life’s pressures get me down and it took the Holy Spirit speaking to me out in Wisconsin. He said to me, you were not created to carry your own burdens, talk less of someone else’. Days later He said, ‘a daily encounter with me will sustain you so you can maintain. This first half of Psalm 55:22 comes to mind – Cast your burden on the Lord, and He will sustain you.”
Sustain vs. Maintain
Let’s check out the difference. To sustain means to hold something at a certain level and to maintain means to do what is needed to ensure something stays a certain state or quality, often the equivalent of “to keep up” or “to take care of.”
To maintain, you need constant focus… focus so you don’t lose sight of what’s in front of you. What happens often is we get spiritual amnesia. We forget what God’s done for us in the past or we try to rush something He is doing. When you are focused and intentional about desiring God, nothing that happens to you should cause you to forget how good He has been to you.
I know how crazy the last few weeks have been but please know that nothing, absolutely nothing takes God by surprise. Keep seeking, keep desiring Him. Instead of fear, let your worship rise like a sweet perfume. I will leave you with this beautiful song by Dunsi Oyekan titled ‘Fragrance to Fire’. The lyrics are fire! Be blessed!!!